Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
