Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
