Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
