The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just tell him i said nine months
Fuck appropriateness.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
