Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
