I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
