Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
