And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
