Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
