I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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