It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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