i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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