I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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