Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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