I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
