he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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