he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
