So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
