I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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