I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
