Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He? As in you personified your dick?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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