): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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