So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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