Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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