i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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