i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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