a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
