Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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