He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My cat gives me a boner
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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