I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Randomize
