you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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