I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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