Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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