Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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