Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
