He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
