Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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