You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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