I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
