I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
