Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
