people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
