How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
