On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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