The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
