I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
