my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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