Yo dont text me then not text me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
