dude i'm inner monologue high
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
