haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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