i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
